I was having a conversation the other day with my mate and we were talking about how confident everybody seems to be with going up to people and having conversation with them. It was more how awful we seem to be at it and how we feel like idiots just jumping into flowing conversations.
It sounds mad doesn’t it? It’s not like I don’t know how to hold a conversation with people; I just feel like such a twat when I do and I always question myself whenever I come out of one.
This diagram probably sums it up best. I don’t do logical thinking or rationalizing properly. I always think I am being annoying, come across really awkward or think; oh that person doesn’t want me talking to them. Those three parts of the brain are meant to be equal but for me, my amygdala takes over when anxiety happens.
I’m going to list just a few things of what makes me anxious:
Talking to people (especially new people)
Going to new places
Busy transport and places
Anything new
Eating in public
Writing this blog
Talking on the phone
Messaging people
I can’t remember when it all started. Probably as a teenager where I started to become aware of emotions that I didn’t know existed. My parents split up and both of my Granddads passed away in the space of 4 days. I outed all this by showing anger, which probably was masking the anxiety in all honesty. I was a vile 14 year old. Honestly; I was horrible and not proud of anything during that period if I’m quite honest.
I’ve had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which focuses on how your brain works, rather than the trauma. Lets not mask this; it’s exactly that…trauma. It has helped me massively, not getting rid of it, just how to recognize the anxiety and trying to use strategies to make them easier. I would recommend this to anybody who wants to explore further how to deal with how their brain works and for support with how to live with it.
I am not a medical expert. These posts are just my thoughts and things that have worked for me. I just want to reach out and support as many people as possible. These are difficult to find time to write because of work and life but I feel these a vital to stick with and make sure people never feel alone.
Walk on;
Jase
Extra Reading:
Anxiety article from ‘Direct India’ if you would like to read more.